Posts in Ask Lucy

Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Yvonne.

“I have been working a 9-5 job for as long as I can remember. The job has been good to me and is fairly easy. My only dilemma is that I feel in my gut that I need to pursue my true passion. I know what I am passionate about. I’d rather not say what it is, but feel I need direction on what I should do. Do I stay with the traditional job that has a retirement plan along with security? Or do I pursue what is in my heart even though it’s out of my safety net?”

Ah! This one hits home for me. A lot of people who venture towards their dream have had these types of questions. Working in a traditional job has many benefits. You get sick time, vacation time, health insurance and a retirement plan usually. Those are not things to take lightly.

Are you happy though in the end?

When it is all said and done do you feel fulfilled at the end of the day?

We all have a purpose or even call it a destiny if you will. It is up to discover what that purpose is. What do you feel that you are being called to do?

Why does it touch your heart the way that it does?

Going after your dream feels a lot like opening a gift. It doesn’t matter if you are young, middle-aged or older. That feeling in the very core of your soul is the real thing.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Sonia.

“How do I stay motivated and positive going through a life change such as school? As a mom I can get distracted easily.”

Going back to school is a life change in itself. Especially when you are a mother. As a mother you are always trying to stay on top of things. Depending on how busy you are it can be difficult to stay motivated.

How do you recognize what phase you are in during all of this?

In the initial phase the little things become a nuisance. A few things start to bother you here and there. You try to shrug it off and keep on going regardless.

Phase 2 is when you start to second guess yourself. You take on additional tasks because you feel like you can do it all. You still want to be the best mom ever. Right?

Part of you doesn’t want to be perceived as a quitter either. Staying positive during this phase is a little bit more challenging. Although it’s not impossible.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Kaylee.

“I work a 9-5 job, I am a wife and mother of two boys ages 15 and 17. My job isn’t a tough job, but at the end of the day I find myself feeling tired. I am always running and trying to balance life in general with my family. What can I do to still be that stellar mom and wife, but find something for me at the same time? I want to feel like I can still do all of those things, but be happy doing something for myself that makes me happy too.”

This is a great question and it sounds like you are getting mom burnout. When you work full-time it adds to the daily stress of all of your daily responsibilities. As a mother and a wife you are wearing many hats.

I can relate to what you are experiencing. After I have worked all day I don’t always have the energy to start a meal when I get home. It’s easy to get so caught up in all that you have to do, feel unfulfilled and suffer from mom shame.

Who doesn’t want to be the perfect mother, wife or employee?

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Miranda.

“I consider myself a fairly outgoing person. I enjoy people and working in customer service. Spreading kindness is what I do. Unfortunately, I have an employee in the workplace that is more of a naysayer and loves to spread gossip and negativity. How do you handle someone who tends to suck the life out of your day?

I love this kind of question because it’s a common problem in the workplace. It’s a topic that always comes up no matter where you work at. There is always that one person that tries to steal the joy out of the air.

They are similar to a real life thief. The good news is that they may think they have control over you, but in reality they do not.

Of course it can be hard to handle the initial shock of their behavior. Especially when you end up being on the receiving end. Once in a while you may find out a persons true colors when they gossip to others about other employees.

It’s always a good idea to check your back. On occasion you will find the occasional knife stuck in your there.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.

“My husband will be leaving soon for a job across the country. This job is a blessing, but my family is taking it hard. My family is really close and are used to spending time together. We have three wonderful kids. Two of them are making the transition from a teen to an adult and our youngest will be a senior soon. All of them have a special bond with their daddy. We’ve downloaded FaceTime apps and scheduled weekend visits. How can I help them and myself with this transition?”

This sounds like something that I can relate to. Before we moved to North Carolina our family went through this very thing. It can be a difficult time especially when you are so used to having your spouse and family together all of the time.

It sounds like you have set up some good ways to get through it. FaceTime and the weekend visits are going to benefit everyone. The main thing is keeping the communication line open.

With FaceTime it will be a way for your family and your spouse to feel connected to each other. Be sure to schedule your own one on one FaceTime with your spouse as well.

When we moved I didn’t have that kind of option, but I wish I would have been able to communicate this way with my spouse and I know our children would have loved that.

You want to remain supportive of your spouse taking this job. Remember that this will be hard on him as well. He has chosen to take a big leap to better himself and your family. It can be a time where there might be feelings of uncertainty.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the questions comes from Sally.

Is it normal not to know if you’re in love or not? I know it’s a silly question when you are older, but after being in love and in a marriage for 20+ years I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever have that “head over heels” feeling again and I may not ever get that back. Shame on me for saying it back and not knowing, but I know it’s just different. I have such a shield now with everyone that I have lost the closeness with my parents and sibling. I keep to myself, but do enjoy time with that special man in my life who has shown me how to laugh again.¬† I have read that it’s normal to shut people out after a divorce, but does a person ever open back up again? What are your thoughts?”

This is a difficult one to answer because your pain comes across so openly. That is what happens after you had such a long marriage. It is to be expected.

Sure you were so in love with your first marriage, but it doesn’t have to stop there. You are in the healing process after divorce. Each person is different.

There is no magic formula that will tell you when it is okay to fall in love again. The love that you shared with your ex-husband will always be special. You created a strong bond together.

For whatever your reasons were for divorcing it didn’t break that tie completely. You grew together for so many years and I bet some of those were truly wonderful years too.

When you share that kind of time together it won’t be that easy to feel like you can love again. Depending if your divorce was recent or not will also determine how you feel about love. It’s okay to question your feelings.

You may not know if you are in love or not because you are afraid to answer that question. Maybe the new guy in your life is a great companion that enjoys your company, adores you and makes you laugh.

If that was missing in your life before, then it would be easier for you to accept him in your life now.

Do you think you enjoy his attention and the fact that he makes you feel special again?

I can only imagine that it would be flattering to get that kind of attention after a divorce. You deserve to be treated like a queen. It is great that you enjoy each others company.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.

“My husband left a really good job a couple of years ago to pursue another career. He hasn’t found that new career yet. I’ve been extremely supportive with him going back to school or trying different jobs. As long as he is happy is all that matters. Unfortunately, our bank account and bills do not share the same sentiment. How do I keep supporting his happiness with our financial challenges?”

That is a tough predicament to be in. One part of you wants to be the supportive spouse and the other part resents that you have to put up with most of the financial burden. It is okay to feel those type of emotions.

How much longer do you want to ride it out though?

Maybe now is the time to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse. Let him know that although you initially gave your support that now it is more of a burden on you.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t want him to find his dream career, but now it’s his turn to step up to the plate. Going after a dream career takes time. You both owe it to yourselves to find a way to compromise.

What about your dreams?

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Vanessa.

“What would cause a person to want to have a friendship with the opposite sex and is a friendship really what they are looking for?”

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. We all have them. There are some friendships that stem from childhood that we hold on to for dear life.

Most are with the same-sex and every so often some great friendships might be with the opposite sex. For myself mine have always been with my girlfriends.

Not all friendships with the opposite sex mean that it is something to be worried about. However, if you are married or in a committed relationship then it’s important to be respectful of your spouses feelings.

It doesn’t have anything to do with insecurities. I’ll use myself as an example. Here is my take on it.

I would not like my husband to have a close relationship with another female. I’m fairly certain he would feel the same way about me. It is about giving that kind of attention to each other not to someone else.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Sonia.

How do you handle a breaking relationship? I have had someone be a part of my life since before I can remember. This person has been like a sister to me who has stood by me through the good times and the bad. Life has taken us in different directions on the globe, but I still try to keep a strong bond through social media or by calling her. This “friend” no longer calls, texts or responds through social media posts, but has time for everyone else. We had a heart to heart because I needed her and was left to deal with a life changing event alone. I tried to look past this, but see no change on her end. Should I call a spade a spade and walk away with my memories or continue to be that friend who will have her back no matter what?

This is a problem that comes up every now and then for reasons we don’t always understand. Time has a way of dividing the best of friendships. In this case it sounds like there is something beneath the surface.

When did you first notice that your friendship was taking a turn?

Throughout friendships there are other circumstances that come up that may not have anything to do with the friendship itself. If one friend is having a difficult time in their life they may hold back.

Another reason is what is otherwise known as the green-eyed monster: jealousy. It can be an ugly thing that causes havoc along the way. Friends can become jealous when they are going through a sad time in their life.

Your friend may feel like she should be getting the great things that you might be getting. This leads to resentment and may cause her to shut down. Finding out why she has changed her behavior towards you is the first thing to do.

Have you asked her if you have done something to offend her?

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Maria.

“How can a person love oneself before loving others?”

This is such a great question. It is one that so many people encounter at one point or another depending on the things that they have gone through. Let’s peel the layers on this one.

Self-love isn’t always easy to give to yourself especially when life has taken you through some hardships. Bad things happen to good people and as a result your ability to give love to others suffers.

Holding on to the negative baggage that you went through belongs in one place: the trashcan. This negative bond holds on to you like the gum on your shoe. Like that gum the baggage can be removed.

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