Balancing the fear with faith is still possible. During times such as this, you’re supposed to stay positive and optimistic. I know this firsthand because I make it a point to do that through my writing and my podcast.
But what you must know is that being fearful doesn’t mean that you don’t believe in a higher power. I continue to have faith. I believe in God, and I pray every day. Yet, I experience anxiety. When I have fear, I search for ways to combat it.
I find all kinds of things to do. There is always cooking, cleaning, spending time with my family, or exercising to help my thoughts and feelings. My frustration got to me a little today, so I cried for a quick minute. I shook it off and started writing this blog post. I know a good cry is coming, though, and I will have to allow myself to do it.
Each day that I wake up, I am grateful. It feels like this new way of living is make-believe. This new life is a lot like the movies that I used to watch. I remember when I would watch movies like Contagion and think I know this is a movie, but that could happen. Here is the thing I have always been a germaphobe. I blame that on my dental assisting days.
It’s okay to miss things
Waking up to this new norm still leaves me in disbelief. I want so badly for everyone to be protected and to remain safe. I miss the days of getting out of the house and going grocery shopping without worry. I can’t believe that I ever complained that I didn’t “feel” like getting them.
If I could get a chance to that over again without complaining, I would. Isn’t it something how the very things that you once took for granted you miss? On the flip side, I am grateful to be with my family. Their safety is my highest priority.
This invader, known as COVID-19, has disrupted our lives as we knew it. My heart goes out to all the people that are working to provide healthcare and essential services. I have so much gratitude and respect for them. They are forever in my prayers.
Express your emotions
In the past, when I was stressed, I could drive to the gym or go hang out at a coffee shop. It’s a weird feeling not to be able to do that. If I wanted to cry, I could do that in my car with my music pumped up.
Now, if I do, I have to hide in my bathroom or breakdown in front of my family. That is the thing about being a mother; you always protect your family. You try to be as brave as possible until you are not. No more running away for me. Now I just suck it up and confront it. That day of soul-cleansing is coming. I know that now.
In the midst of this, I remain hopeful that as a world, we will come out of this. Hope doesn’t work without faith. I’ll still be angry when I see statistics on the news and for the media not sharing enough positive stories.
In the meantime, I’ll vent without guilt but do it a little less. I’ll continue dreaming of the day when I can hug my parents and sisters in real life. The real win will come when we overcome this. We can do this one day at a time.
Stay healthy, my friends, and keep the faith. I know I will.