Going through a divorce and becoming officially single can go one of two ways. You either are relieved and glad that you are no longer married or the latter. So, what do you do with your feelings? I acknowledged my feelings.
Going through them has felt like climbing over a barb-wired fence at times and being cut a million times over. Other times it has been like swinging on a porch swing on a hot summer night reminiscing. I chose not to ignore my feelings because repressing them never served a purpose.
Your feelings matter after divorce
Instead, it delays healing. I didn’t expect how much deeper I would feel what I did.
I always felt like society and culture made you act like you had to turn the other cheek. Doing that very thing is what makes you feel worse.
Spending most of your lifetime with one person isn’t like turning off a light switch. That light still resides in your heart, especially when you have children together. It is a glow that never gets extinguished.
You may think you can be friends but it will take time. Spending time with someone you love, might not be wise. Again, I am talking about the healing that must take place before you can do this. For that reason, you must protect your heart.
How does one move on despite all the changes? Your status might change, but your outlook on life doesn’t have to do so. The heaviest feelings are loss and feeling rejected.
Imagine walking around with a one-hundred-pound weight on your back. Now add walking up the biggest hill you can think of, and you didn’t physically prepare for it. That is what it feels like and this isn’t an easy weight to carry.
Let go and take the next step
Knowing all this is what gets you to the next step. This is when you let go of all the baggage that came with what led up to your divorce. Everything that hurt you no longer has a place in your life. Letting go of this is the true marker for your happiness and finding your joy again.
Often, we focus on our future happiness, and we forget to be happy right now. Old wounds have the power to heal. It is up to us to give ourselves room to allow that healing to take place.
Friends and family have good intentions to help you through it. You take what works for you and toss what doesn’t work. However, you are responsible for choosing the way you will go. This is your time, and you get to choose.
You may find yourself comparing your situation to someone else’s outcome. Remember that this is your journey. It isn’t anyone else’s. What worked for your friend may not necessarily work for you. Guess what? It’s okay.
So, what if I said you can turn the other cheek? It doesn’t mean you’re in denial of your circumstances. Instead, close the door to the things that have hurt you. You get to say I’m not doing this anymore.
Often, we give so much of our energy to things that have broken us and then wonder why we are not happy. The only way past it is to go through it and leave it behind you. Think about the lesson that your pain taught you.
There are positive changes that you can make once you decide. Go ahead and make that one percent shift. You will see that brighter days are ahead of you. Your happiness is in the present and it will still be there in the future.
Divorce doesn’t mean you are less than. You are worth all the beautiful things. Although you will have your moments remember that you will rise once again. Each day is a new day for a reset. Get your mind right and then you’ll see things get better.
Take it one day at a time and work on you. That doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you smarter. Taking control of your life takes commitment. One day you will look back on what broke you and truly smile.
You won’t be sad about what was taken from you during that season. You’ll rejoice in the amazing things you gained because of being resilient.
Be strong, be phenomenal but most importantly be who God created you to be. What are you willing to let go of today?